Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
zippers are such a cool invention
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
