I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
