I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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