my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
