Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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