he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What a dumb baby whore.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
