I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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