I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize