Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
