my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
