3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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