So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
