your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
