Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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