saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
