I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
