it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
