I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
