i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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