Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
