The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
