I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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