I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
