I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
3pm strippers are depressing
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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