I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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