I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
