Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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