When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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