at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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