I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
