I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
