Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
