i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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