none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
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If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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