Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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