just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
