I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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