How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
