I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My ass is underappreciated
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
