Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
