he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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