Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
