Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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