Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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