1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
"it" just moved
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think people are normalizing furries
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
