How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
