Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
