I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
