one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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