So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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