He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
we're so committed to being not committed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
