If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think my moral compass just broke
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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