You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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