I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
