Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
