I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
