You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize