I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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