so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
