9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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