Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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