And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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