She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize