Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i think i just lost a toe
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
