from now on my penis is your penis
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
