he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
