I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everyone says I win the strip club
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
