he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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