hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
