The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize