is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
