just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
