dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
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I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
