I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
