He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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