i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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