so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
