Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
