i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
