it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
sex in a hospital.. check
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
